I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i believe in u and ur pee
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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