I just saw a hot homeless man
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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