i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
