I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we're so committed to being not committed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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