You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
