the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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