Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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