I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
