You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no you cant smoke seaweed
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
