hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
