You can't motorboat a personality
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize