you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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