Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
