he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
