Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
