i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
