I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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