K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
