I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
