I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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