Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the day after is always just damage control
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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