I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
