By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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