who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
40s are totally the cure
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
