marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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