is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
