Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
