I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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