Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
