She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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