I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
