He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
