So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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