I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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