Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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