you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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