you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize