hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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