I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
