she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
