I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can't motorboat a personality
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
