i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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