You really coming over, don't trick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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