how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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