I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
