theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
