There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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