Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize