I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize