if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
