hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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