Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
