The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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