I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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