Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
