the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize