Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
