if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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