he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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