I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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