he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
