Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
