shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
