She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
