1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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