i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
