I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
