remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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