i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
