i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
