ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
