He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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